The Golden Rule - How should we act towards Others

The Golden Rule is known to most of us in either its negative or positive form: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you, or vice versa, do not do unto others as you would not like them to do unto you. One interesting fact of this “rule” is that it appears in the Holy Scriptures of many religions. It sounds simple enough and yet, I doubt that any of us understand it in its deepest meaning. Those who meditate on it finds it a constant lesson in what it means to have empathy, be compassionate, and love all. Even harder to put into practice. A while ago I watched a program on Showmax about a guy who investigated the environmental impact of cattle ranches and the meat industry. At one stage he visited a so called “Green Ranch” where they claim that they raise and slaughter in an environmentally friendly way. Here he had a conversation with the little girl of the owners, and she said something to the effect that she shouldn’t name the animals as ‘you know, they’re going to become meat.’ Then he had a conversation with her mother who said: ‘We really love the animals, that is why we do it.’ It wasn’t said aloud but the implications of these two conversations immediately hit home: love them? Therefore, we slaughter them? I was wondering what the reaction of this mother would be if a close friend of their family said – ‘I am going to slaughter your daughter in front of you because I love you.’ Now, I am far from trying to convince anyone of right or wrong. You decide for yourself. What I am trying to say here is that living the Golden Rule is much harder that it sounds on first hearing. I was thinking, rethinking, and debating its meaning over the years and I’d like to present a few of these ideas to you. One of my earliest thoughts on this was regarding how we can help beggars who stand at traffic lights. Should we give them money, and how much, or not? The argument is that they will just buy alcohol and drugs instead of food. My first reaction is that doing that is between them and God as we did our duty, but then we are not really helping. So okay, perhaps not. We give them food then, right? (Many stories are told of angry beggars who just threw away the food but let’s go with it for a moment.) So, what food do we give them then? I’ve heard many people proudly saying that they bought them bread and milk. It is exactly here, however, where the Golden Rule problem comes in, because the next, inevitable question is my mind is: Is that what you would like to eat? Dry bread and a litre of milk? Back when I first had this thought, KFC was my favourite fast food or, if my mom was cooking the Sunday lunch (Boerekos né) – a large plate full of rice, potatoes, pumpkin, cream spinach with mushrooms, and chicken. Imagine your favourite food. Getting back to the Golden Rule with that in mind – why then give a beggar bread and milk? My next Golden Rule thought was about helping others. From the outset, don’t get me wrong – if someone falls into a swimming pool and is in danger of drowning, by all means jump in and save that person. But, when it comes to ideas and choices with which we disagree and in which we imagine there to be danger, it becomes a little more complicated. There is a saying that goes ‘you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t force it to drink.’ Still, we think it is okay to take the proverbial old lady by the arm and help her over the road without first asking her if she wants help in the first place. I hope you’re able to keep up with me here: as far as belief systems and ideas go, what we all want, I believe, is to be heard and understood. I always laugh at preachers who chase away Jehovah’s Witnesses when they knock on the door. Can it be annoying to have your resting time interrupted? Of course. But then the preachers should remember that they themselves wants to be heard the moment they get onto the pulpit. Here the Golden Rule connects with that other well-known verse: ‘You have two ears and one mouth, listen more, and speak less.’ One last thought. The Golden Rule is clear in saying that we should do to others what we want them to do to us. We know, however, that we all want different things in life and that things like love (think for instance about the book – The Five Languages of Love) and respect means different things to different people. Now, if I do something to someone else which I would like them to do to me, but they do not like that thing I am doing to them… then I’ve shot myself straight in the foot with this very same Golden Rule. Now what? Then I heard these interesting words said in a conversation between two rabbis: ‘It is true that the verse says that we should love others as we love ourselves, but for a deeper understanding of love we should love others as they would like to be loved themselves’. Perhaps the beggar previously mentioned loves bread and milk after all, perhaps the beggar absolutely hates the food I think is the best. And perhaps the best way to live the Golden Rule is to ask the other person what they would like, instead of assuming that we know best because of what we like. May the One God, with many Names and many Manifestations, bless you all.

The Difficulty of a True Spiritual Life

If you think you’re so enlightened, go live with your family for two weeks. - Ram Dass

There seems to be an unconscious misconception that the spiritual life is limited to certain days of the week, perhaps some festivals, or certain specific practices such as meditation, Scripture reading or prayer. I do think that this might be more under the older generations and that the younger generations are increasingly changing their views, with many identifying as Spiritual but not Religious (SBNR). Then again it might just be a bias on my side as the change in views increased rapidly at least since the 1960’s (Ram Dass, who I quote above and who died in late 2019, grew up Jewish but became a Hindu around 1967). Of course, changing one’s views does not necessarily means that one suddenly lives a more spiritual life. What does it mean to live a spiritual life and why do I say this is difficult? The quote by Ram Dass is one of my favourites and one I always try to keep in mind. That is because the spiritual life might start with going to church on a Sunday or mosque on a Friday or personal meditation and prayer rituals in the morning, but after that the question becomes this – If those moments do not become clear in your public life, while you driving, spending time with family or doing your job, then what was it for? The spiritual life becomes difficult the moment you move out of your sacred space and into contact with other human beings (or any other beings for that matter). It is easier to stand with your eyes closed and hands in the air on a Sunday morning than it is to keep calm with traffic on the way home. We don’t even have to take it that far – most of us start gossiping or judging the moment we set foot out of Church (perhaps even while worshipping). It is easy to sit in front of your Scriptures and light a candle or incense stick and feel all tranquil, of course that is if you could leave the warmth of your bed in time, then one gets to work, and you must remember to smile at the annoying co-worker. A true spiritual life will be an important part of every decision you make, of every action taken, of every word said. It might not be possible to absolutely control your thoughts but what your reaction with your thoughts is should tell you something – do you stop it, or do you entertain it? “If your religion does not change you then you should change your religion,” said Elbert Hubbard. Rabbi Hillel is reported to have said that the Golden Rule (Do not do unto others that which you would not like them to do unto you) is the whole spiritual practice and that the rest of what we read and believe is only commentary on this rule. In other words, if you pray or do any kind of spiritual practice and you believe that what you believe is the only truth, but you give in to every desire and let your ego reign supreme with no compassion for most other people, then you have not even begun to live a spiritual life. All this can sound very discouraging, but honestly, I am trying to encourage you to pull up your socks and get serious, whatever your chosen path might be. That does not mean there can be no fun in life, but it does mean that we pay attention to how we are having fun. It is going to be difficult; you are going to fail on an almost daily basis. At the same time the alternative is to live an unexamined life and that, said Socrates, is not a life worth living. Fulfilment comes when we are constantly working on ourselves. “I want happiness” said someone to a Buddhist monk, “Take away ‘I’ as that is the ego, take away ‘want’ as that is desire and what is left is ‘happiness’”, answered the monk. Now that we are parents, my wife regularly says, “You know what, we should just forgive our parents”. There was a time that I was angry with my dad on an almost daily basis, and it did not help that he was a pastor. Then I became a dad, never mind the fact that I became a husband, and I realised that I must always watch myself. The moment I cannot answer in a soft manner, I cause hurt. The moment I react in an irritable manner, I cause hurt. Sitting down to meditate or pray after that makes me feel ashamed, so much so that I sometimes feel that perhaps it is better to just give up. I know, however, that the moment I stop working on myself I will do even worse. I hope and pray that, if I stay on living a true spiritual life, as difficult as it may be, one day my children will be able to forgive me. Rabbi Hillel ends his declaration on the Golden Rule with these words: “Now go study”. Whatever religion, spiritual part, or philosophy you follow – study hard and then act in compassion. I encourage you. May the One God, with many Names and many Manifestations, bless you.