The Golden Rule - How should we act towards Others

The Golden Rule is known to most of us in either its negative or positive form: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you, or vice versa, do not do unto others as you would not like them to do unto you. One interesting fact of this “rule” is that it appears in the Holy Scriptures of many religions. It sounds simple enough and yet, I doubt that any of us understand it in its deepest meaning. Those who meditate on it finds it a constant lesson in what it means to have empathy, be compassionate, and love all. Even harder to put into practice. A while ago I watched a program on Showmax about a guy who investigated the environmental impact of cattle ranches and the meat industry. At one stage he visited a so called “Green Ranch” where they claim that they raise and slaughter in an environmentally friendly way. Here he had a conversation with the little girl of the owners, and she said something to the effect that she shouldn’t name the animals as ‘you know, they’re going to become meat.’ Then he had a conversation with her mother who said: ‘We really love the animals, that is why we do it.’ It wasn’t said aloud but the implications of these two conversations immediately hit home: love them? Therefore, we slaughter them? I was wondering what the reaction of this mother would be if a close friend of their family said – ‘I am going to slaughter your daughter in front of you because I love you.’ Now, I am far from trying to convince anyone of right or wrong. You decide for yourself. What I am trying to say here is that living the Golden Rule is much harder that it sounds on first hearing. I was thinking, rethinking, and debating its meaning over the years and I’d like to present a few of these ideas to you. One of my earliest thoughts on this was regarding how we can help beggars who stand at traffic lights. Should we give them money, and how much, or not? The argument is that they will just buy alcohol and drugs instead of food. My first reaction is that doing that is between them and God as we did our duty, but then we are not really helping. So okay, perhaps not. We give them food then, right? (Many stories are told of angry beggars who just threw away the food but let’s go with it for a moment.) So, what food do we give them then? I’ve heard many people proudly saying that they bought them bread and milk. It is exactly here, however, where the Golden Rule problem comes in, because the next, inevitable question is my mind is: Is that what you would like to eat? Dry bread and a litre of milk? Back when I first had this thought, KFC was my favourite fast food or, if my mom was cooking the Sunday lunch (Boerekos né) – a large plate full of rice, potatoes, pumpkin, cream spinach with mushrooms, and chicken. Imagine your favourite food. Getting back to the Golden Rule with that in mind – why then give a beggar bread and milk? My next Golden Rule thought was about helping others. From the outset, don’t get me wrong – if someone falls into a swimming pool and is in danger of drowning, by all means jump in and save that person. But, when it comes to ideas and choices with which we disagree and in which we imagine there to be danger, it becomes a little more complicated. There is a saying that goes ‘you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t force it to drink.’ Still, we think it is okay to take the proverbial old lady by the arm and help her over the road without first asking her if she wants help in the first place. I hope you’re able to keep up with me here: as far as belief systems and ideas go, what we all want, I believe, is to be heard and understood. I always laugh at preachers who chase away Jehovah’s Witnesses when they knock on the door. Can it be annoying to have your resting time interrupted? Of course. But then the preachers should remember that they themselves wants to be heard the moment they get onto the pulpit. Here the Golden Rule connects with that other well-known verse: ‘You have two ears and one mouth, listen more, and speak less.’ One last thought. The Golden Rule is clear in saying that we should do to others what we want them to do to us. We know, however, that we all want different things in life and that things like love (think for instance about the book – The Five Languages of Love) and respect means different things to different people. Now, if I do something to someone else which I would like them to do to me, but they do not like that thing I am doing to them… then I’ve shot myself straight in the foot with this very same Golden Rule. Now what? Then I heard these interesting words said in a conversation between two rabbis: ‘It is true that the verse says that we should love others as we love ourselves, but for a deeper understanding of love we should love others as they would like to be loved themselves’. Perhaps the beggar previously mentioned loves bread and milk after all, perhaps the beggar absolutely hates the food I think is the best. And perhaps the best way to live the Golden Rule is to ask the other person what they would like, instead of assuming that we know best because of what we like. May the One God, with many Names and many Manifestations, bless you all.